Shellenberger (left) has also taken on a mentor role for the three Little Flower freshmen pitchers that the program is very excited about. They are (left to right) Nicole Lemongelli, Caitlyn Panei and Alex Dolan.
Emily Shellenberger insisted she was fine, but Dan Milio knew better.
Following some unexpectedly devastating family news, the Little Flower softball coach knew his star pitcher’s head wasn’t right; even worse was that Milio knew what must come next.
Last April, Shellenberger, then a junior, got some news everybody hopes to avoid: her mother, Melissa, was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer despite being only in her late 30s. When Milio heard, he approached Shellenberger about taking some time off, away from the team, but she declined. After all, being with her softball sisters would serve as a therapeutic distraction from the uncertain situation her family was unwillingly plunged into.
Physically, Shellenberger was fine, but she was a mental mess, and her performance on the mound showed it. With the playoffs rapidly approaching, Milio had to make the most difficult call of his coaching career.
“You could tell it was affecting her and her play,” Milio said during a Monday afternoon chat at Little Flower as his team prepared for its 2015 season opener. “It was getting to be crunch time heading into the playoffs, so I had to make a tough decision. I knew she didn’t have it to pitch in those big games.”
But Milio also knew he had to tread carefully, because the last thing he wanted was to make Shellenberger feel like she was being punished due to the fact her mom was sick.
“I told her, ‘Look, what you’re going through must be hell, and I understand that,’ ” Milio recalled. “I told her that as a person, every single one of us was here for her. But as the coach of this team, I told her she couldn’t pitch, because she just didn’t have it. And she looked me dead in my face and she said, ‘Coach, it sucks, but you’re right. I’m not here mentally, and I don’t trust myself on the mound right now.’ She understood that pulling her from that role was best for the team.”
Shellenberger, a Mayfair native, shifted to first base, and Little Flower ultimately lost a close 5–2 contest in the playoffs to eventual champion Archbishop Ryan. Ultimately, Shellenberger showed her team-first mentality by agreeing to the decision, even if she didn’t like it.
When her parents, John and Melissa, broke the news to her and her 12-year-old brother — also named John — over dinner, Shellenberger admitted that, “Initially, all I did was cry. I just bawled my eyes out. But I had softball later that night, and my dad told me not to let the diagnosis affect me to the point where it overtook my life. I was emotional at first, and it was hard seeing my mom go through that, but softball was my diversion. It got me away. The more time I played, the more I wasn’t thinking about it.”
Even if Shellenberger was playing, she wasn’t at the level she and Little Flower had grown accustomed to in her three seasons with the program. Little by little, she began to notice it too.
“I definitely realized I wasn’t doing as well as I could have been,” she said. “Physically, I was fine, but honestly it was all mental. Coach approached me about it, and I just wanted to do what was best for the team. Did it suck? Yeah, but he was right. I understood it, because the way I looked at it, I wasn’t helping the team pitching the way I was.”
Melissa Shellenberger underwent chemotherapy, radiation and a double mastectomy. Emily recalled her mom being constantly tired, so she and her dad tried to lift her spirits with jokes while pitching in around the house as she recovered. Melissa lost her hair and there were lots of hospital visits, but the 38-year-old returned to her job as a nurse around Christmas. As of this moment, she is cancer-free.
“We were extremely excited when we got the good news,” Emily said. “I was really nervous for awhile, but it took a lot of the stress and pressure off my shoulders. We have a good relationship and I can talk to her about almost anything, and I think getting through this together has made our entire family closer. What I learned from it is to never take anyone for granted. Take everything day by day and just live life to the fullest.”
Milio, who coached a tournament team during the fall that Shellenberger was a part of, said he’s seen an extra bounce in his star player’s step. She’s worked with pitching and hitting coaches to improve her skills, and Milio views her as Little Flower’s unquestioned leader. The team will likely go as far as she carries it, and given her mother’s clean bill of health, Milio believes Shellenberger is poised for a special senior season.
“High school is supposed to be the best time of your life, and she had to deal with the fear of losing her mom,” Milio said. “It’s not an easy thing for anyone to go through, and I can tell a weight has been lifted. She’s a high-character kid who just wants to live life; now she can do just that: be a kid and do what she’s supposed to do, which is enjoy her senior year. She deserves that, and I couldn’t be happier and prouder.”
Even better, Shellenberger has already committed to play softball at SUNY-Fredonia, a Division III program outside Buffalo, so all she has to concentrate on is getting the most out of her senior campaign. Part of that is her drive and desire to deliver Little Flower its first Catholic League softball title since 1988, and the other is her role as co-captain and leader. Milio has already been impressed how Shellenberger has taken the program’s three promising and talented freshmen pitchers — Alex Dolan, Nicole Lemongelli and Caitlin Panei — under her wing so that the program is still in good hands after she graduates.
Winning the Catholic League won’t be easy (it never is), but the Sentinels like their chances with a re-focused, determined Shellenberger leading the charge.
“Obviously, I hated what happened last year, but in a way I’m glad it did because I learned so much,” said Shellenberger, who plans to major in biology in college. “I’m way more focused now, and Coach Dan and my teammates helped me so much. They were always there for me when I was having a bad day. Now I want to give back to them, especially these three young pitchers, just to show them how to always stay strong and determined so they can lead this program into the future.
“I really do believe this team can win a championship. It hasn’t been done in a long time, and we’re on the younger side, but we’re focused. The few times we’ve been able to work outside so far, we’ve looked strong. I want to win a title, but even if I don’t, this whole season is about leading them to the best of my ability. This program has given me so much, and I want to pay them back. No matter what, they’ve always had my back, and I’ll miss that when it’s over more than anything.” ••
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Shellenberger will continue her softball career at Division III SUNY-Fredonia, outside Buffalo.
Ready to roll: Emily Shellenberger, a Mayfair native and Little Flower senior, had an unexpectedly nerve-wracking junior year when her mother, Melissa, was diagnosed with breast cancer. Head coach Dan Milio had to remove the distracted pitcher from the mound as the playoffs approached, but now that his top pitcher’s mom was given a clean bill of health, Milio and the Sentinels are ready to hand the program keys back to her. MARIA POUCHNIKOVA / TIMES PHOTOS
