By Denise M. Krenski
I remember in the early 1990s, as an undergraduate at Temple University, I didn’t understand where the Information Superhighway was located. “Minnesota?” I told my young, non-worldly self. “Sounds like a middle-America thing.” Equally confounding to me at the time was the notion of CyberSpace. “Is that a NASA program?”
For Gen-Xers, just as we were entering our late teens and early 20s, the digital world was forced upon us. Speaking for myself, I wasn’t savvy about any of it. I’m no longer embarrassed to share that in 1996, I offered to pay a friend to teach me how to “surf the web.”
Fast forward more than a quarter of a century, and the robust creation of our online personas via social media, and we find ourselves in a space and time where there is so much virtual animosity toward each other and no healthy outlets within which we can rectify heated debates and name calling moments. I don’t believe this is only a Gen-Xer conundrum, but for the sake of this piece, I am specifically talking to my generation, Generation X, those born between 1965 and 1980.
I think we’re in trouble and we have to fix this problem. But, first we have to understand what this problem is. I think about this every day as I repeatedly check my Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn profiles. I ensure that my various email addresses, of which I have many, just in case, are all up-to-date. It’s all very stressful but I absolutely play into it. Admittedly, I find it exhilarating at times. But, I don’t need to be on my smartphone or social media or texting and checking emails as much as I do. (I could be planting a rose garden!)
Gen-Xers are not digital natives; rather, we are referred to as digital immigrants. We did not grow up with the socio-emotional tools to handle the proliferation of these online platforms. And, dare I add that I don’t think we are in positions of psychological well-being to successfully navigate the angers and hostilities we feel from others (and “justifiably” give back to our online tormentors.) Additionally, I’d argue that we often misread and mishear each other because the main component missing from online exchanges, specifically from social media but not excluding text and email, is NUANCE. It does not exist in these spaces. You can’t see the other person’s face, hear his tone of voice, or most importantly, understand what is driving that person to communicate with you in the first place, which probably has nothing to do with you, personally, but ignited by your post, specifically. I understand nuance, the definition of it. But, I am absolutely susceptible to problems associated with black and white interpretations when in the throes of an online exchange, especially when I didn’t see it coming.
The problem I see with social media and other non in-person communication formats is that the impersonal interactions we have discount how complicated we are as emotional beings. We just don’t know what another’s triggers are. We don’t know who, at the core, is filled with anger, pain, trauma, unhappiness. That is some ugly stuff to bear but it is even uglier to bear online. We all come with our own set of life experiences that inform our current choices and opinions. But, sharing all of this on social media is not helping any of us join forces to create better tomorrows for our kids.
So the question I have for my fellow Gen-Xers is: “How do we [engage in and develop] critical relationships so that we can learn?” Laverne Cox, the black transgender actress, asked this really powerful question in the Netflix documentary Disclosure. If we continue to only know about each other through our social media personas and never understand each other’s nuance, how can we work together as humans to make sure our kids and their kids have a world where hatred and apathy aren’t as ubiquitous as the air we breathe? We need to change the conversation from vitriol throwing digital rants to looking each other in the eye and remembering our own upbringings, learning from those stories and making sure that any support systems we may not have had are there for future generations. Mostly, we need to understand our differences and drives before we throw hate at each other, publically.
I believe that if we don’t step it up, NOW, and stop the name calling, the insults, the barely disguised hateful epithets that we easily assign to one who is not in close physical proximity to us and the misuse of emojis, we are going to be known as the angriest, ugliest and least-productive generation to live. None of our social woes are going away any time soon. But, hiding behind our digital identity isn’t helping us be better people. And, we are certainly not any better than the ones we hate the most. ••
Denise M. Krenski is a native Philadelphian who resides in the Lehigh Valley with her wife and five children. She’s an alumna of St. Hubert, ’91, with a BA from Temple, ’95 and an MA in Educational Leadership from NYU, ’07. Prior to being home with her children, Krenski spent her career as an educator and administrator in NYC and a fundraiser in higher education.
